I decided a long time ago that I never wanted to speak to you again. I used to write letters to you that I never sent, and its even been a long time since I’ve written one of those. It took me a long time to process what happened – or it has taken a long time, rather, because I’m not even really through it yet. I’m sure you’d be surprised to hear that. I don’t think you have any idea how much damage you caused. But you never really cared, so how would you know?
I was asked a week ago if I was angry. I didn’t think I was anymore until I felt a little panicked at the thought of writing to you. I’m never going to send it but I still feel it just the same. It’s been three years and your voice still lives in my head, invalidating every experience that I had with you. So, I’m angry. I’m angry at that voice in my head – I’m angry at you. I’m mad that you tried to make me believe that I was the problem. I’m mad that you tried to make me think that I was wrong, and crazy, and aggressive. I’m angry that you fucked up my reality so bad that I spent years just trying to figure out what even happened. And I’m angry that I spent so much time trying to see your side, convince myself that maybe you were still somehow a good person – that was two more years of consideration than you ever gave me.
You never thought about how your actions impacted me. You only cared about yourself. You broke me to get what you wanted and left me to pick up the pieces. Fuck you for that and fuck you for wasting 4.5 years of my life on something that was never real. I will never let you waste even a second more of my life.
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